Kaffeine - London ☕️

Usually when I review coffee shops I’ll open up the notes app on my iPad or iPhone and begin to type up my initial impressions. With Kaffeine I didn’t, I forgot and not because I was blown away by the service, coffee or location. It was quite the opposite.

Let me take you back to the situation I was in. I was in London for the day after watching Hamilton (which was incredible) and my girlfriend and I decided we wanted a coffee break. London being the countries capital offered so much opportunity for a coffee lover I was salivating at the potential. I googled “coffee shops in London” and was inundated with results. The one that stood out: “Kaffeine – Rated top 5 Coffee Shops in London.”

“Top 5!” I exclaimed – we had to go, out of all the coffee shops in London this was rated within its top 5, colour me interested. So we made our way to Kaffeine, I had checked their website which promised artisan coffee, knowledge and a potentially amazing experience.

We stood outside Kaffeine which was unassuming and almost hidden from us, there were people drinking and chatting amongst themselves and as we approached the door we could immediately see that it was jam packed full of customers. Sign of a great coffee shop surely?

Kaffeine is incredibly small and cramped, it doesn’t occupy much space with benches reminiscent of a bath house around the corners, there was a bustle of conversation and it didn’t take long at all to be served. I was served by a woman who apparently didn’t want to be there, no warmth towards us at all, and I immediately got flashbacks to being in a chain. I enquired about the coffee to which she hastily pointed to a Red Brick blend by Square Mile Coffee Roasters (shop.squaremilecoffee.com).

I asked for a split shot, which was promptly denied. Now let me air one of my biggest frustrations here: I understand a split shot isn’t a normal order, and most people would stick to a menu, and it is absolutely a shops right to deny an order, but when you position yourself as an artisan coffee shop with several years of experience and you can’t cater to someone who genuinely loves coffee you lose points. Just bookends the customer service aspect of this visit.

The coffee (an americano was ordered) came which had a subtle sweetness to it, and kind of bitterness which made me question whether it was possibly over extracted. And to be honest I found the coffee passable and just okay. It had a citrusy finish to it and was almost like a flat cola that you’d buy for 20p at your local shops. This is neither good nor bad, it was a very interesting taste and if I was to have it again I’d add a splash of milk to it.

We sat down on the seats and observed the atmosphere; considering how busy it was, it just felt hollow. It is obviously popular but is it for the right reasons? Chains don’t particularly offer the best coffee and is more of a status symbol nowadays, I questioned whether this was the same situation, Kaffeine serves food but tables are placed so low down customers were regularly eating their food off of their lap – no thank you! They’d have been better having the counter at the back of the shop and had seating on each wall, alternatively make Kaffeine a to-go coffee shop and strip out the seating. We couldn’t stay there for any period of time, I drank my coffee quickly and we left.

I wouldn’t recommend this coffee shop to anyone and how it has made the Top 5 is beyond me. Again, I go back to it being a status symbol, or perhaps Kaffeine was having an off day, but when first impressions count and when you’re in London, with possibly the most coffee shops to choose from I will be passing up on the opportunity to visit this shop a second time.